There has been alot going on these last couple weeks but this is the main focus of my problems...but i dont know what to say about it. So i'll just type it out...
I only can look in on people and watch them destroy each other. I seem to be right in the middle of this fist fight of words and hear both ends of it and hear every explanation of both parties. But what to say. I only hear but never heard once of somebody really trying to make an effort.
Just turn around and walk away? That was never my advice. But my words are only useless to ignorant people who only care about what they feel inside and how it will benefit them selves....
I wont try this time.
Life is so complicated, I never wanted to take this role in life, but what could i want different? Nothing. I have so many trials to work threw and so many to look forward to, these stumbling blocks will some how, one day make me a stronger person, but that day seems to never come. How can i love life? And trust?
All i want is some really good friends to trust to be able to talk to and not worry about them leaving me. Its hard making new friends because it seems that i hold that doubt. That they will leave me. I know making new friends is not that hard but when you are a new friends to the person you are at the end of their friend list. Then it seems you have to "play" the game of making it to the top. Why can't people just be equal? And why can't we just be able to talk to them and not have others hate you because of making simple talk.
I feel so shallow sometimes because i feel that people sometimes look down upon me and judge me from the outside and never WANT to look at me from what i have in my heart and mind. And it makes me have this ugly feeling of bitterness and then i bottle it up. You ask yourself this question...
"Are you really better than the person you think you are better than?"
The friend coaster is on its up hill and its coming to its peak. I think by the time the rides over I'll have a good idea of who stuck around and is at the end of the "ride" with me. I need this break and i need someone to put little more trust in.....
This is my re-lease...and it feels good...
No comments:
Post a Comment